"Find beauty... in the pattern of the shadows, the light and dark which that thing provides." -- Junichiro Tanizaki

Quarante-Quatre.

Moments in Denmark.
11.09.16

It was a cold Danish autumn
and my fingers felt each degree
almost numbing each hand
till they were close to a freeze.

But I choose to feel the warmth
and marvel at a snowflake's art
soak in the sights and sounds
and hold each memory to heart,

like food which tasted like home
and the laughter in the air
the smiles of the little ones
and each word spoken in loving care.

Now I see the beauty of moments,
insignificant as they may seem;
as long as the sum of it all is love,
there will always be good in between.


*Written after my trip to Denmark.

Quarante-Trois.

10.30.14

Once upon a time,
we were in love.
Our hearts teemed with dreams
and we were enough.

But somehow, we grew apart
things turned to gray,
the moments we shared
started dwindling away.

Until all that was left
was just you and me,
our broken beings,
an ending we did not see.

Almost a year has passed,
the sadness comes and goes.
I may now be forgotten,
just a stranger you once knew.

Quarante-Deux.

04.10.17

This bittersweet feeling
the feeling of being torn,
of want, of longing,
and forgetting altogether

but then the lingering 'why'
and all the possible reasons
and the tears that have returned
and the ache I've not felt in years;

will seeing you be an answer
to close out this drawn out chapter
or will I be doomed again
to reminisce the hurt after?

Quarante-et-Un.

10.24.16

Ink-stained fingers
writing words of pain and change,
phrases of my heart
flowing through my veins.

May the things I say
reflect who You are,
for Your goodness overwhelms me
I am enthralled by Your love.

Quarante.

Once Upon A Dream.

01.15.15

While the golden sun sets in the sky

igniting hues of orange and blue,

I looked through the corner of my eye

and silently gazed at you.

I wished I could stay in that moment

and think of nothing but here,

the city lights glowing in the distance,

or the chance to be with you near.

But the night is drawing close

And I guess it’s time to leave

I say goodbye to the sights and sounds

and this lovely, short-lived dream.

Trente-Neuf.

Friendship Remains.

01.03.15

We may reach for the stars, 

and our dreams may take us far

but I know our friendship will remain

because it started in our hearts.

I wish you nothing but the best

you deserve the beauty of it all

Hold on to hope and faith that does not fail

and you will surely never fall.

* For my friends I cherish the most.

Trente-Huit.

Fell For You.

10.23.14

You were a pleasant change 

in my mundane life

and I will miss you, I'm sure.

You opened my world

to things quite new,

but there's only so much I can endure.

(My heart did fall for you).

 

"The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance." -- Alan Watts

Random Ramblings: Loveteams.

(This new feature will highlight some of the more non-serious inner workings of my mind that don't take a lot of neurons to process.)

As funny and strange as it sounds, I have been getting into love teams (#LizQuen, #AlDub, & #JaDine), Filipino soap operas (or teleseryes as we call them), and OPM music a whole lot lately. I kind of wonder if it has to do with not being able to watch or listen to anything of that sort when I was younger (I was not allowed to watch dramas or television at night), if I just like the idea of feeling "kilig" (or giddy, in English), or if it's a subconscious choice to fill the void of being alone (which I honestly don't want to entertain).

I would lean more on the second reasoning.

Trente-Sept.

Once I Knew Hope.
02.26.15

Sometimes I feel I'm drifting away
into a sea of uncertainty,
trying to swim back to shore
but all around me was waters gray

I trudge on overthinking it through
my legs struggling to keep afloat
then I see the clouds clear out
until I glimpse the pale sliver of the moon.

And into the shining I see reprieve
a boat seemed made for two.
I see your hand, your silhouette
stealing the night like a thief.

I reach for you with all my might
until all strength escaped me.
You pull me close and wrapped me up
and without fear, I held you tight.

I gaze at your face to find out who you are
Turns out, I knew you all along,
'cause you were always by my side,
in the fragile corner of my heart.

Trente-Six.

O7.28.15

It's been forever
since my words and thoughts
became something on paper
and even more.

To The North and Onward We Go!

It's been a month since I wrote something, and it has been an eventful time since!

• I passed the NCLEX and received my license card and certificate the week after, which is a blessing and an answered prayer. 

• My aunt and cousin from New Jersey finally arrived in California after a tedious three-day road trip; they will be moving here for good, and it's been wonderful having them around, what with all the bubble tea, Korean grocery store and food trips we've had. 

• I began inquiring about job opportunities and gathering recommendation letters from my instructors, who were very kind and helpful despite the short notice. It gave me the chance to visit my nursing campus and take a few pictures, too.

Where I usually ate my homemade lunch or instant ramyun.

Those hallways.

What I wore.

• One of the highlights is the spontaneous weekend getaway to the Bay with friends and brother number one! I definitely needed to go on an out-of-town trip and just relax, especially after all the craziness of reviewing for the NCLEX. Here are a few snapshots of our adventures (more to come when I get to borrow my friend Maya's memory card)!

By the Bay Bridge.

 Gott's green chile cheeseburger and garlic fries.

My first cup of Peet's!

• My graduation ceremony!

• My Siberian husky, Cloud, was neutered, so he needed lots of tender-loving care the past week.

Cloud and his cone.

• I volunteered as a photographer for baby Jaden's superhero-themed birthday party!

Here's to more adventures as I move onward to greater things!

Trente-Cinq.

Bay Adventures.
04.29.13

We walk along the streets
looking from right to left
soaking in the unfamiliar sights
strolling while we catch the daylight.

Then up we go on Indian Rock
with steps that frighten our feet.
Our eyes scanning the scenery,
the breeze as fresh as can be.

We share and swing in the air
before we take the Bart.
The bridges, the bay, the scenery
nicely laid out for us to see.

On the next warm afternoon,
we drove on to the marina,
playing with clams and barnacles
exploring till it hurt my ankles.

Now I wave farewell to the green fields
to friends I haven't seen,
to places I haven't been,
and mutter my wish to be back here.


* I wrote this ode/poem of sorts on our trip back home to Los Angeles. This briefly recounts all the fun adventures I had with my close friend Maya, who served as my tour guide during the entire weekend.

Trente-Quatre.

Little Things.
04.15.13

That curved smile through the darkness
your eyes with the vivid sparkle
your heartbeat beating through my fingers
the gentle kiss on my head making everything better.

The careful grasp of your strong hand
when you intertwined yours with mine
your warmth that enveloped me to a sigh
the way you held me as we said goodbye.

Last but not the least: how can I forget?
The stories and moments I shall never regret
your voice trembling with a slight shiver
as you said those three words transcending forever.

A List of Things.

After being in a sort of disarray for the past few weeks, I am finally in a state of calm. I am still waiting to hear about the official results of the nursing licensing exam I took yesterday morning, but I know and believe that my (and many others') prayers have been answered and that I have passed with flying colors! I truly thank God for His ever-present help and faithfulness, and for everyone who wished me the best. ♡

This post is definitely inspired by my childhood best friend Joyjee. She does an amazing job writing about her goals and sticking to them. So here is a list of things I would like to accomplish in the weeks to come.

• Write in my journal and read the Bible more consistently.
• Start writing poetry once more.
• Relearn how to play the keyboard.
• Learn how to play the guitar and the bass.
• Get my learning permit (again) and learn how to drive.
• Edit my resumé and cover letter/personal statement template.
• Search for job openings and inquire from people I know.

Here's to brighter things ahead.

Almost There.

I know I'm supposed to be studying, but my mind is a million miles away and is too filled with thoughts that aren't related to medications and signs and symptoms of diseases at the moment. I feel...

homesick
lonely
a little anxious
worried
tired

I do have to say that these are pretty much my everyday emotions.

Despite of everything, I have to remember that I'm almost there. I know I'm not alone because God is with me. I know it's not the end of this challenging and daunting transitional phase of my life, but I just need to "keep calm and carry on," as the famous meme goes. There is hope... there's always hope.

So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal. II Corinthians 4:16-18 (NIV)

Hello, Spring.

My favorite season has finally alighted! The rays of sunlight are warmer and more scintillating. I can finally feel the breeze, blowing ever so softly through windows and leaves, and the flowers are in full efflorescence and color. There's always something about the coming of spring, and how it brings about a whole new sense of wonder, adventure, and hope. ❁

The balcony is easily my favorite spot now.

Pretty pink flowers.

Difficult.

That word has always connoted a negative meaning to me. At this point in my life, I can say that I have met that word countless times, and yes, it has never been easy. It has struck fear in me, made me carry a huge burden, and made me feel disappointed and frustrated to the point of almost giving up.

But this time around, I will strive to turn that word around and look at it in a positive light. I know now that if everything was a breeze and was handed to me on a golden platter, I would take life for granted and never learn or grow up. And so it begins... today, I accept the challenges that lie ahead, with my eyes set above and my heart humbled.

Trente-Trois

A Dance With You.

You asked me to dance with you,
then you gently take my hand.
We were shy at first,
but time changed who we are.
We talked about things we never knew,
and laughed at the silly things we do.
You looked into my eyes
and I see a glimpse of who you are.
The moment's magic swept us away,
as our feet glided amongst the bright lights.
But the music stopped,
we had to part,
and a tiny piece
broke off from my heart.